At the request of Lady Ja Ja, I have decided to document my time as a university fresher in an unnamed northern city, anonymously, as the undergraduate undercover.
So, to start at the very beginning there was the Intro Night. On arrival, I am told that I'm apparently in the party block of the party halls of a party university. Golly.
I soon accumulate a crowd of chums who, despite relentlessly calling me babe, sweetie, gawjus and my lovely, seem quite nice... Ah you've lent me your wok, you like my hair, we chat for ages in the bar, and you invite me to go out with you... All looking good....
And then disaster strikes.
The students union is packed with thousands of freshers all wearing the same outfit, drinking WKD, and gabbing about how fab Justin Bieber is whilst at all times reminding you that they are "sooo flippin' pissed (OMG,Woo etc...)", all set to a soundtrack of cheesy chart pop.
I begin to lose all faith in humanity as my new mates happily mosh to the soothing sounds of S Club 7, knock back unspecified green beverages from test tubes and snog ugly members of the opposite sex.
Looking around me, I realise that I am the only one not putting my hands in the air when the DJ asks, who went to Ibiza, Malia or Faliraki in the summer, the only one not looking enamoured with the semi-famous geezer from 5ive who is playing and certainly the only one willing to pay a whole two pounds each to get home in a cab rather than walk a mile in heels. Oh god, I am the proverbial blacksheep in a crowd of thousands.
This realisation, for the first night, threatens to ruin my university experience. I blame my parents for having let me turn into such a posho and despair of my lack of interest in the life of Jason Derulo...
And then it occurs to me that, although they are already calling me their new BFF, I don't actually have to hang out with any of these people again, that there must be someone interesting amongst the 150 thousand students who live in the city, and that unlikely as it might seem I may just be a bit too cool for this event.
